On our first-ever in-person interview, this Fierce Love Friday is taking an interview-style approach with life-coach Allegra Stein. Allegra is all about finding your strengths, challenging your own limiting beliefs, and helping her clients achieve the things they dream of.
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Strong Sense of Self-Awareness
Allegra wants to help you define the shape that you hold in this life and put language around your strengths and how they can benefit your tribe. Through a strong sense of self-awareness and understanding what is driving the core messages you tell yourself, you can create a new chapter in your life that you are in love with.
With the help of the YouMap, Allegra can guide you through the career, relationship and other goals that you have to find eternal happiness and own your own power. If you are searching for some guidance around your strengths, weakness, and how to be the best version of you possible, this episode is for you.
How do you work to own your strengths and stop the negative self-talk? Share with us in the comments below.
On Today’s Episode
- The importance of discovering your YouMap to find internal empowerment (17:20)
- Taking the information you know about yourself and applying it to become better (22:40)
- Why being an expert in something doesn’t always equal more value (31:20)
- Reasons why you need to figure out your ‘why’ and reflect on your own strengths (39:40)
- How to become the museum curator of your own life and happiness (44:20)
Resources Mentioned In This Show
“I’m in this tent, and I am here to help a person who is on a journey, who wants to make something happen, who wants to bring something to life, who has a big idea, who is embarking on something new or unknown, I love that space.” (16:58)
“I do believe that all of your interests, all of the things that you curate, are circling a star. And there is a core to what it is that you want to share and teach, there is a center.” (32:19)
“That in it of itself is transformative for someone, and it doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people.” (40:32)
“What if you could create the things you want to create, not only in the service you create for your community and your people but also feeling aligned with your work, also creating abundance? All these things that are compelling to you, but in a way that aligns with your natural way of showing up.” (44:09)
The Core 4 is now available! Click here to get a free gift when you purchase. Thank you so much for all your support!
Harder to Kill Radio is sponsored by the Nutritional Therapy Association. Registration is now open for the NTA’s September class. You can learn more and save your seat by clicking here (and don’t forget to mention my name on your application!)
You can also try out their free 7-day course, Nutritional Therapy 101 by clicking here.
242: Limiting Beliefs w/ Allegra Stein FULL TRANSCRIPT
Steph: Hi there. Welcome to episode 242 of Harder to Kill Radio. I’m your host, Steph Gaudreau. Thanks so much for hanging out with me today on this edition of Fierce Love Friday. Now normally I hop on the bike by myself, but today I am bringing you a very special guest and yeah, we’re doing an interview style Fierce Love Friday, and my guest today is my wonderful friend and sometimes on and off again, coach Allegra Stein. She has been on this podcast before and I’m just so excited to sit down with her and record this show. Now what makes this even more special is that we recorded this in person. It’s the first in person interview that I’ve ever done for this particular podcast. Of course, I’ve been on lots of in person interviews for other podcasts, but this was a first and I’m so very glad it happened the way it did.
Steph: It was real life. We got into so much stuff. Today we’re going to be talking about strengths and limiting beliefs and like is turning the tables on me a little bit and we’re digging into some of the coaching discussions that we had while I was visiting her in person. We’re kind of dissecting all this stuff in, in in bit a bit of real time and going over some of the stuff that we discuss together in terms of strengths and where I’m holding back from things and examining my own mindset. And it’s all very fascinating. So I really hope you enjoy it. It is a bit longer than our normal Fierce Love Friday, but hey, I’m all for experimenting and trying some new things. Today’s podcast is brought to you by the Nutritional Therapy Association. I am so incredibly glad that I finally bit the bullet and went through the nutritional therapy consultant program last year in 2018 I had been wanting to do this program for about four or five years and I finally said, you know what?
Steph: Now is the time. There’s no time like the present, the NTA certifies nutritional therapy practitioners and consultants and really helps students learn about bio individual approach to nutrition using the foundations of health. And yes, a real whole nutrient dense food way of eating is that the base of that, but there is so much more and the emphasis is really on helping build balance back into the body through these different foundations and this approach. Not only do students learn about that, but they also learn how to start a strong foundation in a nutrition coaching business. To learn more about the Nutritional Therapy Association and all of the programs that they offer, head over to nutritionaltherapy.com they also have a free seven day class that you can take called nutritional therapy one Oh one that is at nutritionaltherapy.com/nutritional-therapy-101 and of course we’ll link all that in the show notes. Okay, let’s jump into this very special edition of Fierce Love Friday episode 242 with my extra special wonderful guest, Allegra Stein.
Steph: Hey there, welcome back to Harder to Kill Radio. This is so weird because I’m sitting here in person with my good friend Allegra Stein who has been on this podcast before. Yes. Who’s been part of my Women’s Strength Summit is somebody who’s been in my life now for six plus years. I’ve worked with as a coach, meaning she’s been my coach on and off and now has become a great friend and this is the first ever and knowledgeable and all that girl in person interview that I’ve ever done for this podcast. I can see what the problem could be and that is that we just looked at each other. Just laugh and giggle cause you can like you’re so close to someone, you just looking at each other’s eyes. Yeah. So real. It’s intense man. And I’ve done other in person interviews before, but they’ve always been for somebody else’s show. And I had this trip planned to New York and I
Allegra: Just thought, you know what? I’m going to figure out how to take this thing. Mobiles take it on the road. Yeah, take it on the road. And if I happened to be places or whatever, I mean I got a very small audio recorder. It’s about the size of, I dunno what’s that? The size of like a phone. It’s like an old, an old phone cell phone. Like it’s, it looks like an old selfie. Yeah, it’s, it’s pretty compact and easy to travel with. And I picked up two mikes and here we are. We are sitting in your house and sitting in my house in New York together. And for only the second time in our entire lives, it’s a second time we’ve seen each other in person and the first ever interview. Right? And there is your oven, right? Cause we’re making [inaudible]. That’s what happens when you come here.
Allegra: We’re making chocolate chip cookie. So we were like, what are we going to talk about? And I just thought it would be fun to just sit down and have a conversation with you. Okay. So obviously I know this story, but people listening won’t know the story, but why did you come out to live in the middle of kind of nowhere? Because you’re a very kind of worldly, traveled person. You’ve been all over the place. You’ve lived internationally, you lived in New York city and now you’re a country mouse. I am. Why, why, why did you decide to move out this way? For love? It was for that thing though. I I had moved to New York city to join teach for America in 2003 I moved out here and I taught in the Bronx and I lived in the city for almost the entire two years that I was teaching.
Allegra: And about a year in, I met my future husband at a bus stop in Manhattan. We rented a bus. Okay. So I didn’t know this part of this story. Be careful cause I could fill this podcast with the stories about, Oh, I remember. Okay. Pause. Pause on that. We’re going to come back. We’ll end pause cause I have to pull the cookies. Okay. So we’re going to pause. Okay. Hold on, I’ll keep talking. So this is, this is actually very interesting because of all the times we’ve ever conversed. I don’t think I have heard the story about how Alegra met her husband. And so now I’m, I’m just as fascinated as you as you because it’s the best story in the met at a bus stop. So I met at, we met at a bus stop. I lived for anyone who’s familiar with the city. I lived at 96th and Broadway and he used to catch the bus at 96th and Amsterdam going across town cause he worked on the East side and I used to walk from Broadway over to central park West to catch the subway.
Allegra: So I would walk past the bus stop, he’d be waiting at, at six in the morning on my way to teach and he would be there two or three times a week just depending on his work schedule. So I would walk by and it just started in September and eventually just start to notice patterns in your day and your, you know, and talking about there’s this guy at the bus stop. Who is that guy at the bus stop? At some point I think I became just aware of him. I’m sure I started to cross the street a little bit earlier so I could walk past him but we wouldn’t really speak. It was now winter. It was getting cold. We were all bundled up. We would maybe make the occasional nodded head or something, but I just suddenly became aware of this guy at the bus stop.
Allegra: We got into the new year and little did I know that he was telling like his brother about the girl at the bus stop. So I was the girl at the bus stop. He was the guy at the bus stop. And long story short, this went on through March, I think September into March. And it was a random Saturday afternoon, morning, Saturday morning. And I was doing my laundry in the city. And if you’ve ever lived in the city to do your laundry, you have to like oftentimes leave your apartment complex and walk to a laundromat. And I was just in my sweats and a big puffy jacket and I was like, I’m going to go do my laundry. So I’m pushing my laundry in a cart. And I crossed, I was at a different corner in my neighborhood and I crossed the street and I came up on the sidewalk and near he was walking and it was out of context.
Allegra: It was very easy to say, Oh, hi, like hi, like we’ve seen each other all the time. I know who you are. And he said hi. And we exchanged names and you know, he had just gotten off of work and asked for a bagel place was, and I just kind of pointed him in the direction this is so New York. And and then he said, all right, well I’ll see you at the bus stop. And he said, okay. And then I rounded the corner. I’ll never forget the minute I rounded the corner, I pulled out my phone and like, called a friend, met bus stop boy. And that’s kind of the rest of it. I mean, I saw him a couple of mornings later, he asked if he could walk with me. We walked CS if I wanted to, to get a drink and, or coffee. And I said, sure, there are a few little, you know, it took a couple of weeks for all that to come together. But
Steph: Oh, that story, I had no idea. Public transportation in New York city, you know, so I was in town, I’m in Manhattan Monday and Tuesday of this week. So just got here, it’s this afternoon up to up to the country, up to the country. And so I got off a red eye flight, took the subway, and we made my step my way into Manhattan and into Soho cause I was going to be doing this interview. And I was like, okay, I need some coffee and I need a bathroom and I need a place to just sit down. And the thing that happened. So I went to this little coffee shop that was recommended to me and I got a drink and got something to eat and sat outside on this bench. And there was a guy there, an older guy, and he had this really cute dog you know, some kind of retriever and I w dog came over and kind of sniffy and I was like, Oh, who’s this? And he’s like, Oh, this is fin. And
Allegra: And then it occurred to me as I sat on the bench and I was eating and I’m, you know, an interloper. Yeah. The number of people that walked by
Steph And they were like, what’s going on? And like, they knew the dog and the guy. And I was like, I’ve literally just, there’s probably somebody that sits in this seat every day and I’ve just messed up the whole morning cause I, I’m the intruder in this little microcosm of
Allegra: It, this street. It’s amazing. Whenever I go into the city, I am, I am astounded by how many people are constantly in motion on every street in every neighborhood. It’s, the energy is really hard to describe. It is. But anyway, I, I, I I locked out. Yeah, I met the one on a corner. So you were met. So we, Matt, I met him at a bus stop. We hit it off and yeah, just over time kind of, he already had a plan in motion to move out of the city and I was kind of a free bird and was like, okay. And one thing led to another, we got engaged, we had kids. I moved, I taught outside of the city for a couple of years before I had our first child. And the rest is history. Yeah. So what do you, which one do you like better?
Allegra: Do you like living in the city or living in the country? Oh gosh, they both have. I feel very lucky too. It’s funny because I think when I look at my Myers Briggs, I can’t, I can never decide if I’m an ear and I am like right on the line. I think I present as an E so people would maybe say, Oh, you’re such an extrovert. But I think like behind the scenes I’m more of an I. And so I think each place pulls different and appeals to the different side of me. So where we live now, which is in the woods, I can, I can go days without going anywhere or seeing anyone. And it just feels so right to just be outside and around the trees and have campfires out in the back. And then sometimes we go into the city for a day trip and it’s like, ah, this feels so good. And like being around people and, and just all the diversity in so many ways that that New York represents, it feeds a different part of me. So it’s like I, when I lived there, I never took full advantage of what the city had to offer cause I was kind of you know, I’m like a home body. Yeah.
Steph: You’ve become kind of accustomed cause what are the rest of your Myers-Briggs letters? I don’t, you know what you’re talking about, personality tests. I it, it’s,
Allegra: And I’m, I’m ashamed that I don’t know the answer because I know a Myers Briggs facilitator who led me through it and it was an amazing experience. But I’m still I’m an N and I’m an F. Okay. And I think I might be a, I don’t know, beauty or day. I’m probably more of a J. Okay, interesting. Yeah. Cause I’m an INFJ is that right? Listen to me. I’m, I’m, I’m, hi everybody. I don’t have off the top of my head. It just, it’s, it didn’t, it didn’t stick. Yeah. But I know it and it was right. And I’m like, yeah, this is perfect. Well the reason I ask is because lately you’ve been learning a little bit more about something called the YouMap. I have. And I know you’re super jazzed about it. So just I would love to talk to you about what it is and why as a, as a coach, cause that’s what you do.
Allegra: Like why is this so useful for people? And for you as a coach when you work with people. So what I find so intriguing about UMass and just from like a nuts and bolts perspective, what you map does is it assesses four pillars. It assesses your strengths, values, skills and interests. And each one of those is like assessed at a really cool level. So it’s not just surface, like even for skills that it doesn’t just show you what you’re good at, but it shows you what you’re good at, that energizes you and what you’re good at that burns you out. Because a lot of times people will have jobs or take on roles that they’re good at, but it doesn’t, it, it drains them. And so I really like how it’s this well rounded picture or snapshot of just these different components that really make someone unique and really helps set them apart.
Allegra: And B, just to find as an individual and what they bring to the table and anything that they’re taking on. And I, you know, I, I’ve come, I’ve used the metaphor for my coaching of being like an expedition leader or a guide. So I’ve always thought of myself as like, I’m in this tent and I’m here to help a person who’s on a journey who wants to make something happen, who wants to bring something to life, who has a big idea, who’s embarking on something new or unknown? Like I love that space. And this to me feels like this missing link around helping a person before they even get started. Like get really clear on the compass. That is them, you know, like what is true and solid and working and what defines the shape that they hold and that they want to find a fit for.
Allegra: I think a lot of times people are like looking for the right fit, especially in their career. They’re like, I’m just looking for the right fit. It’s like, okay, but what is your shape like? Cause if you don’t know what your shape is, then you’re willing to kind of, you know, it feels can feel nebulous and uncertain. You’re not quite sure what language to put around it. But knowing once you map, suddenly it builds language around your strengths or on your skills, your interests, how they work together. And I think that’s just, there’s empowerment there and it helps filter decisions. It helps decide which paths to go down or not. It helps clarify conversations you’re having with people you know, with your manager, with your team in interviews. I’m just really excited about it.
Steph: Do you think that this helps to take the place of something like just having a really strong sense of self awareness because you are using a tool and this assessment in four different, I am picturing it as quadrants cause I’m a very visual person. But do you think that that has for somebody who is like, well, I’m just maybe not self aware enough to kind of realize like all of these different things, you know, like I’m searching for something but I don’t quite know what it is or I don’t quite know what, what I’m looking for, but I know I don’t want that thing. Do you think that the, this particular thing takes the place of just having a really well developed sense of self awareness or is it completely complimentary to that?
Allegra: Well I think it’s complimentary to that. I think it’s a good fit for someone who loves building self-awareness. Like who already has that desire to know more about themselves so they can articulate it, what it’s done for me because I, I consider myself that kind of person. Like I love learning about myself. My career is built on how we build self awareness and personal development. And and I know I have a hard time articulating it. So what it’s done for me is, has given me language. It’s like, it’s like holding up this really cool mirror and it, it’s helped explain things that may be that, that I wasn’t really able to put into words or it just felt very nebulous like, but I know I’m good at this, or, and to see it in front of me to see all these four things and to dive deep in each quadrant and to see how they fit together.
Allegra: It’s just, it’s like it’s, it’s clarified something that I didn’t have a lot of clarity around before and I, and for that reason I think I’m able to speak about it more confidently and more just with more conviction and awareness. And I guess I believe that if I have that than other people will see it and understand it versus if I, if I can’t, if I can’t, if I don’t have my own compass to find, I can’t expect others to know how to work within. But it’s, it’s the difference between saying like, Hey, I’m not exactly sure how this could work out for me and saying, Oh, I know exactly how this could work out. Like, I know exactly if I’m doing this, this and this and I in my role includes this, this and this, this will feel like flow. Like put me in this place, doing these things, using these strengths and I’m going to show up and I’m gonna do amazing work. Mm. And, and I think that’s just a very empowering place to stand in. What if somebody realizes, okay,
Steph: Do you know they have looked at their YouMap, they look at their quadrants and they’re
Steph: Not, they’re like, okay, I know these are my strengths but I’m in a job or I’m in a career situation or this place that I’m at in my life I have, I feel like I can’t leverage
Allegra: Those strengths and I’m feeling really stuck cause I’m assuming that’s going to happen a lot. Right? Sure. And we’re like get clarity. Oh my gosh, yeah these are my strengths yet. But like Oh shit, I have to do this thing that I really hate doing. It is not playing to my strengths. You know what? But I think sometimes knowing that and understanding it helps it feel better. Cause. Cause if you don’t know why it’s not a fit, I mean think about people who are like ah, this should be good. Right. Everyone tells me how lucky I am to be doing this or it’s fine but there’s something missing sometimes just knowing what’s missing helps it help us. Net helps us navigate it better cause we can identify cause we can say, Oh I know now why this isn’t working out. I also think because, so that’s this question and I’ve been thinking about it.
Allegra: You know with these YouMap partnerships it’s like okay this is great. Like let’s look at this picture. But then so what in already I’m like I want the kind of the cherry on top of the sessions and the partnership to be like so what, what are you going to do with this? How can this, you know, what’s going on in your life and what are you trying to create? You know, whether it’s within your current role, whether you’re moving into a new role, whether you’re reentering the workforce, whether you have a new idea for a business you want to build. How can you apply this? Because one of my strengths is activation. So I’m like, I like getting things started, so I’m definitely going to be the person that says, okay, now we have all this information. What are you gonna do with it? What are you gonna do with it? And how, even if it feels like you’re stuck, I’m never a believer that people are stuck. I’m always like, there’s something, there’s something that can be done. Let’s figure out how to apply it. Oh that so good. I know I have awareness of time. You have to go get my daughter at the bus stop. This is real life. We’re doing this. Okay. So we can either pause and come back.
Steph: Let’s pause and come back. Okay. Okay. Part two, part two. Okay. This is data. This is part two of this podcast. This is day two, part two, everybody. Part two. We we ran off to get children from bus stops and then spent the evening having soup and hanging out with kids and watching bad lip reading videos, bad lip reading. Got henna done. Oh, the power just went out. Wow. This is so exciting. Okay. And it just came back on. Everything’s happening. People, this is in real time. This is just, this is real life. So I’m a, I’m about to head out in a little bit and drive across, well drive up and across back to Massachusetts to visit my family. But we decided we had just sat down and had this crazy, a long conversation about trying to figure out my life and what’s going on with my professional life. And came up with some interesting things. And since this is what you do, so you brought up a few things about my own resistance and self limiting beliefs about things that what we all are working with. Yeah. Well it really is, but it’s also interesting to hear that reflected back by somebody who you trust and you know, isn’t just there to be a jerk. Awesome.
Steph: That you’re coming from a place of being that observer, but also being sort of the mirror who can say it in that way. And I think that’s the, that’s the value of a great coach is to be able to reflect that stuff back. You kind of take that in, right? And synthesize it and say, well this is what I’m hearing. This is what you’re saying. But this is also what I’m hearing that you’re saying. Sure. And I think that you do that really well.
Allegra: Well, and I think it’s interesting when you look for two people to look at the same thing and for to see different things in it. One of something that happens to me when I’m working with someone and I learned something about them, so just a little Bakker and everybody, we, I found out what stuffs strengths are. And so that kind of like started strengths as one of the pillars of a U map. So I’m like geeking out these days about this stuff. So that kind of just informed the conversation that we’re having and all the things we’re talking about. Hi everyone. Welcome to my Amazon Echo.
Steph: Echo is Alexa talking. This is the best. This is the best podcast, the most. This the best cop podcast you’ve ever heard for real. So we were talking about Steph’s strengths. Do you want to share everybody with everybody? Okay. So I did. The Gallup StrengthFinder two years ago. Okay. And my strengths were, and I’m going to try and remember them, activator, learner,
Steph: Achiever. Yeah. Shocking to no one in the world. I’m also in any gram three if you know what Enneagram is, what was the fifth one? Real later or later. Yeah. So those are my strengths,
Allegra: Right? So anyway, that’s kind of informed some of our conversation over this past day. And you know this morning I just, we were just talking and stuff was talking just about what she loves to do and how she likes to show up, what her favorite things are. And I was kind of mapping it out and I’m was drawing little pictures and I look at the pictures and I suddenly see patterns. Sometimes I describe my coaching, you know, those pictures that you see and they’re blurry. But then if you focus them in relax your eyes, you suddenly see a clear yes and never, never been able to do that. Right. That’s how I feel when I’m coaching with someone. It’s like they share with me all of these different pieces and parts and I can kind of look at it and suddenly it comes into focus and I can see a picture in all of stuff and I’m able to speak to that.
Allegra: Like I don’t know if you see what’s actually in there, like, let me show, let me tell you what I see in there and tell me if that resonates and does it click. And so I think that was part of our, what happened this morning is I was like, okay, so how about I’m hearing all of these pieces of what you like and what your strengths are and what you do. And I’m taking it all in and I’m kind of making my own notes and sketching it out. And suddenly it’s like, you see what I see? Right. And you were like
Steph: Well, yeah, I see what you see. But I, that’s where I have a resistance to it. And it’s not a surprised to sort of see the, to see the pattern, to see the things that I tend to do because I do them every day and I realize I do them. But there’s a judgment around those things.
Allegra: So why don’t you tell, tell people who are listening what you see, tell, tell them so they have an understanding. Just like what you, a bit of what you were sharing with me or what,
Steph: What you do enjoy doing. Yeah. So there’s, it’s probably no surprise to anybody who knows me. I mean, obviously this podcast is not okay. This is not one niche podcast, right? That’s right. This is a podcast about many different topics. I talked to many different people. It’s in one kind of general universe, but yet, I mean, we have everybody on from people who talk about gut bugs too. I don’t even know. Okay. So I have a guy coming on in the next few weeks or probably by the time this comes out of the past couple of weeks who’s talking about Zen Buddhism and presence and acceptance and like, okay, so how do we, you know, that’s, those are two completely different worlds. And so the podcast is one example. Another example is in my Facebook group my community, the core four club. A lot of times people show up there and I say, okay, you have a question about, and I give this example earlier about hypothyroid, right?
Steph: You should go follow Dr Becky Campbell or Dr Brooke Kalanick. Like yeah, amazing. They talk about great stuff about hypothyroid. And so one of the things that I’ve always done, and this is one of the things that I’ve always struggled with is feeling like I don’t have expertise in one specific area and I am that sort of clearinghouse. I’m sort of a get the words are curator and and collector, right? And learner. And my husband makes fun of me all the time cause he’s like, Oh, are you taking another? And I’m not a, I’m not necessarily a course taker in the sense that I take courses just to feel like I’m doing things. But I love learning. I really do. I’ve always been a student. I’ve been a teacher and I just find that so very interesting. So he’ll joke with me and say, Oh, are you taking another course?
Steph: And so that you can just take a test. Cause I’m like, I’m taking my test now. I’m getting all excited about it. So that’s your learner strengths coming out. It is, but the, the resistance that I have, and you see this in the core for book too, right? It’s not just one specific, I’m not writing about hypothyroidism. I’m not writing about, we were talking about ducks, right? We’re not writing about duck conservation, right? Or any one very specific niche topic. It is a collection of these four things and all the things that are within those four things that have been really helpful for me and the people I work with and gathering that and sifting it, you know, kind of thing of like panning, right? Filtering, filtering, all that information. And saying like, here’s the stuff. If you could just pick up one resource that could get you going and you need ideas that could fit your life, here’s what it is.
Steph: So I’ve always been that kind of collector curator, but my resistance to that is that in this digital world, I, I get the feeling and I think that, and I see the conversations that people have where they’re just like, well, we need, we need experts. We need people who are experts. We need. And quite often they’ll say, you know, we’re looking for a maybe a looking for podcast guests that are aren’t specific expert in this one thing or the idea that an expert has more credibility. Mm. That has more value, that has more. I think credibility is the only word I can really think of in. And so I feel less credible because yeah, I have interests, right? I have areas of specific interest. I have areas where I have taken courses or certifications. I have expertise in those areas, but I don’t feel like I have one specific, you know, I haven’t dedicated my life to whatever sourdough bread making. Like I’m not the world’s preeminent expert and in that one. And so that’s where my resistance comes in is feeling like I am less, I have less value because I am not a specific expert in, in this one very niche topic. Right.
Allegra: So that actually that’s kind of, so I love metaphor and the picture that’s coming to mind is planets circling a sun. Right? And what I’m hearing is you’re like, but I’m not just an expert in Pluto. Like I’m not just expert in, it’s not, I don’t you love all the planets on a planet anymore. Well you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t have used that as an example. I’m always going to hold it in my heart as a little tiny planet. So can’t unlearn that. But I do believe that all of your interests, all of the things that you curate are circling a star. And like there is a core to what it is that you want to share and teach. There is a center, you know, we were talking this morning about museum directors and museum curators and museums or collections and someone has to decide what those collections are going to be.
Allegra: Someone has to curate all of the stuff that, that in that’s in that space. And those displays are changing. They’re never the same. You know, you walk into something, stick around, but, but for the most part they’re decisions made all the time. What should we put out? What shouldn’t go out? And someone has to be, make those decisions. And at the same time, museums have a theme. There was a star at the center of all these things. So the museum of natural history has a theme, has a message museum of modern art and the pinball museum and Asheville. Like it has this driving message, this core that’s kind of behind it. So I know you have that, that is there, like how, what, what, how would you put that into words like, and I guess that gets into like what is your, why? Like what is at the heart of this curation that you do so skillfully? That’s a skill that’s a strength. But what, what would you say is the, the star that it’s all circling.
Steph: I mean I think it would, it would come down to the first sentence of the book and I keep coming back to that. But that’s the first, that’s like the last thing that I wrote when I wrote the book because I looked back and I looked at, okay, the what right? The things in the, okay, so what are the, what are the items in this exhibit, right? We’re going to talk about, and that’s all well and good cause you want people to have that experience. But what is the overall mission, right? What is, what is the vision of that? And it’s the vision that one day a little girls will grow up into strong women who know their value, you know, embrace their bodies, take up space without pressure of diets, the scale and exercise as punishment. That’s what that is. The, that is the mission, the vision, right?
Steph: And there are lots of little things that come into that universe over time. Like, for example, a year ago, I wasn’t certified to coach and teach intuitive eating. And now intuitive eating has really come into my universe as a, a skill, as something that I can help people learn. Not w will everybody who kind of identifies with this vision or that that resonates with them, will they all perhaps use into it? Like will intuitive eating be a skill that they will need? Probably not. I mean, I can’t say everybody definitively, definitively well need that, but I now have that, I have more understanding there, right? Where I can I can even say, okay. Like I would love to, and this is kind of what I’m, I’m thinking about is like, how do I use this to help people? And for example, what if I, I create a sort of a group coaching where we’re going to go through the intuitive eating workbook and we’ll be there to have these group experiences and et cetera, et cetera. But I might not be, there might be somebody who comes along and they have a really specific need in this one area, or they really do need a one-on-one coach or they really, they need to, they need to actually get treatment for their an eating disorder or they need to go to the NEDA and take the assessment on their website and say, you know, is do I have disordered eating to cause this be an eating disorder? So to be able to send people out, right, and say
Steph: I’m totally fine, and this is the other weird part about this, I’m totally fine being the one that refers, I know saying like, you’re always doing the, here’s this person that you should go talk to because they’re really great at this, or here’s this resource that you could go find. So I’m totally okay with doing it. I think you’re great at it. But when I stepped back and I see that, you know, I feel like, Oh, and the perfect example would be there are some publications, right, that want people to write for them. And they’re like, but we need somebody who’s an expert in blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, Oh, but I’m not that person. Right? And so I feel, okay, I’m not good enough. Right? I’m not educated enough or I’m not experienced enough, or I just don’t have the expertise in this, in this area. I don’t fit. So I feel like sometimes I don’t fit. I don’t fit in. You know, that there’s, and this is my own belief, right? There’s less value in the person who is,
Steph: You know, listening to you. You’re coming to me. And then I am synthesizing. I’m not just synthesizing what you’re saying verbally. I’m also listening for patterns and I’m listening for in what you say. And I’m also using intuition. And very frequently this will come up. We did a, a couple of group calls for people who pre-ordered the book and I got onto zoom and we did video and people would submit questions in the, in the chat, couldn’t. I couldn’t, I could see some of them, they were on video, but they weren’t, we weren’t having a conversation video to video. Okay. So there’s limited context in which I’m getting things about you. You know, I’m not seeing your body language, I’m not hearing the tone that you’re asking the question. Anyway. So there were questions that, a few questions that did come up about intuitive eating and it didn’t take me long. And through addressing the question and the way it was asked and just having this gut feeling, this hunch about this person, and then also realizing that we, so many of us struggle with the same things. There were things that I said that the person
Steph: Said, Oh my God, you’ve nailed it. That’s exactly like, how did you know? All right, so quite frequently I get this, like how are you in my brain? How did you know these things? And I’m like, sometimes I can’t even put my finger on it. Other than that, it could be pattern matching. It could be just personal experience and knowing things that women tend to struggle with after doing this work for so many years. But I see that there’s, that’s harder to put a value on in this world that is very commodity based. Like we value those sorts of things rather than we value the, like you were able to hold that space me or you were able
Allegra: To like put connect those dots for me there. I think there was more value put on people who are the actual people who are going to solve the problem for you rather than to go, this could be an interesting thing for you to, to explore or it sounds like, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. And I think that’s, that’s what I was challenging on of like, well being, being a, being able to collect and curate and filter and hear someone and listen to them with this very broad lens containing all of this unique information and being able to connect those dots and say, you know what, I think this and this and this and that could be really interesting access points for you because we’ve been talking about access points and then they’re like, yes, tell me that. That comes very naturally to you.
Allegra: And those at the end of our conversation earlier, like, well, yeah, but that’s just easy. But I think that’s what’s so interesting about taking time to reflect on our own strengths, our own skills, our own like sweet spot combination. And we don’t see it. We don’t, we can’t see it because we’re in it. And oftentimes those unique things about ourselves, we don’t recognize them as being unique or a value because we’re like looking, but like, but wait a minute, what about that person who knows a lot about that one thing? Like, isn’t that the best way? And so my challenge was, and we talked about this, I’m like, but what about the museum director? Like if that person wasn’t there, right? If someone wasn’t able to come to that person and say, I have all these questions, and then that person said, well, you know what, we could go in this direction or this direction or this direction and here, like all these resources you can go to find out about it.
Allegra: And that in and of itself, I think is transformative for someone. And it doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people. Well, that’s kind of my thing. I’m like, doesn’t everybody do that? I don’t think so. No. Do you think, cause I think some people love to get granular. There’s some people who love to like learn as much as they can about one thing and put their stake in the ground and say, this is the thing. And what I’m hearing from you is you’re like, there are lots of things. Isn’t that amazing? And I want to spend my life learning about them. And there’s never going to be an end point. There’s not a Terminus where you’re going to say, I’m done. I’ve collected all, I want to collect. And now I’m just going to have this one thing. I think the beauty of your work and what you’re sharing with your audience is you are this really driven clearing house of such valuable information. It’s reflected in your podcast. It’s reflected in the diverse like programs you create, the material you put out there. It’s reflected in your your acknowledgement that you like, you know, you’re not just doing recipes, you’re like, there’s so many other things that could bring people closer to that star that you’re working towards. And I just think that’s there. That’s such an important, valuable,
Steph: Skilled role. Well, and that’s, that’s kind of the, the whole idea of
Steph: Then what, you know, as a, as a business person, right? Because I do own a business. I, you know, look for ways like how can I create things that will help people. And then I sell them because that’s what businesses do. And there’s this one, there’s this sort of prevailing messaging that goes on in this industry, which is, you know, you need to have that specific expertise. Like there is the people are there, the people who are the most successful are the people who are able to, you know, niche down and they have their one very narrow thing. And every fiber of my body has always rejected that notion for myself. Right. Which is like, I can’t just do one thing. I just like, every time I sit down to try to think about, well, how could, and we did this yesterday, we were talking about, you know, how could I create that one sort of pathway in my business for people to work with me, for example. And I was just like, but there’s all this other stuff and it’s not just one thing. And so every time I even sit down to think about that, I just get so overwhelmed with the idea that I would have to, you know, just to narrow down and I’m like, but that’s,
Allegra: It’s not who you are. No, it’s not. So that’s great. That’s okay though. Just start with knowing that. Yeah. Even if you don’t know what you’re going to do with it. I think the first step is just knowing that about yourself and owning it. Because I believe there are pathways towards abundance, towards value that, that it’s so, there’s so much diversity, there’s so many options that we have to recognize when we have our blinders on and we’re like, but there’s only this one way and I have to fit in this one way even if I don’t want to. But if I have to do it this way and what I’m suggesting is what if you could create the things you want to create, not only in the service you create for your community and for your people, but also feeling aligned with your work. Also creating abundance as business, like all these things that are compelling to you but in a way that aligns with your natural way of showing up and part of that is going to mean acknowledging where you have those limiting beliefs because that’s all they are.
Allegra: Yeah, there are incredibly successful skilled sought after museum curators in the world because no one else can do the job. Like yeah, no one has that big picture, not, I mean not everybody has that ability to look at a big picture and take lots of information and combine it in ways that are really interesting in these individual displays and sometimes you do drop into that place. You’re like, I kind of want to focus on the intuitive eating display for a bit. I just learned about this. I’m going to spend some time in that wing of the museum and you’re also like, but that’s just one like I want to make sure it’s nice, I’m excited about it and I’m also great at, I’m not just going to direct people to that wing cause there’s so many other cool parts and I don’t know, I just think this is why I’m so lit up about these conversations, why I’m, I’m excited about my own learning about these things because I’m suddenly, it’s connecting dots in my brain of like, Oh this is where this is where you start and we haven’t even talked about the values based and the skills piece and the interest BS.
Allegra: This really came out of even just the strengths part, that knowing that you can, I just believe that’s the starting point because the rest of it can be, can be carved out to fit that. But you got to kind of own that for yourself first because it’s all possible.
Steph: Well we’ll have to, we’ll have to do like a part, a next phase, the next phase. It won’t be in person, sadly. I know, I dunno. Maybe we could if we’d come back for the holidays and we’re able to shoot up here for a couple of days to sit down and do a, you know, like a values piece that adds onto them there. I’m here. Let’s do it. I love it. Well, thanks for being the first in person interview.
Allegra: All the little ups and downs, the cookies, the kids, the power outage, the huh.
Steph: Just all the conversations. Yeah. And we’ve had time, had time to synthesize between part one of this and part two. Yeah. Amazing. Hope people stuck around through the end because it got really good there. I hope so. Where can people learn more about you and what you do and all that?
Allegra: They can find me at allegrastein.com. Okay. If they would like to. I’m a big, I’m a relater. It’s one of my strengths is I like developing relationships with people. So I’m always cutting to the chase and I’m like, let’s talk so you can schedule a time to connect at allegrastein.com/connect. Cool. when I’m on social, I’m on Instagram at @allegrator and I’m on LinkedIn. Okay, well let’s set up a time to talk.
Steph: Yeah, we’ll link all of that in the show notes for this episode. Thanks, right. Thanks for joining me. Thanks for having me. We’ll talk soon.