How to Stop Outsourcing Your Enoughness w/ Bonnie Gillespie

Have you ever felt like you are not enough? Bonnie Gillespie is the guru in Hollywood for self-management and is here today to help you start owning your enoughness. Bonnie had dreams of becoming a Hollywood actress, but when she got an assignment to pull back the curtain on Hollywood and gain some insider knowledge, she realized it takes a lot more than a perfect monologue to become successful in show biz. After writing her book, Self Management for Actors, Bonnie decided to work beyond her current industry so that she could help anyone learn why they are enough.

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Show up as Your Authentic Self & Focus on the Long Game

The paradox of self-worth and enoughness is something that many of us struggle with, and it is only by showing up as your authentic self, discovering what it is you want, and learning how to trust that you can stop outsourcing your enoughness.

Currently we are dealing with the loss of many conveniences and distractions that we often use to draw our energy away from examining our life choices. Bonnie is here today to help guide you to a positive way of thinking that will help you focus on the people who are already on board for you are, instead of trying to convince others of your worthiness.

Instead of changing who you are to fit the circumstance, Bonnie wants you to show up as your authentic self and focus on the long game so that you can ‘book the room’. Full of inherent wisdom and practical advice, this is an episode you do not want to miss.

Are you ready to create a life that is designed for you? Share what you loved most about Bonnie’s story with us in the comments below.

On Today’s Episode

  • Tips for assessing your enoughness in the digital area (11:00)
  • Why you need to start showing up as your authentic self (19:15)
  • What it looks like to outsource your enoughness and how to take it back (23:23)
  • Practical ways to get deeper and learn how to use your trust muscle (28:35)
  • How to get curious about what your body is trying to teach you (31:50)

Resources Mentioned In This Show

Self-Management For Actors by Bonnie Gillespie 

Bonnie Gillespie Website

Follow Bonnie on Twitter | Instagram | YouTube | Facebook

Join the Core 4 Club on Facebook

Quotes

“If I can help a generation of people who get rejected for a living feel as though I am enough, and there is nothing I need to change. I am as I am exactly where I need to be and who I need to be and having the experiences that I need to have, that’s something that I want to bring to more people.” (9:40)

“The way we fix that is by always looking at the big picture. How do I add to my fan base by making the way I show up be authentic and true to the way I am and the message that I want to put out in the world?” (19:52)

“If instead, we put our energy on how to serve the third of the population that is already on board for exactly who I am and what I am effortlessly, we can have massive success. But we spend so much energy looking at how we can convert people who were never into us to begin with.” (22:17)

“What we are seeing happening right now, is so many people have lost the conveniences and the little things they could fill their life and time with that distracted them from the fact that they have actually made a series of life choices that aren’t their own.” (26:10)

“It doesn’t take very long to build that trust back to the point where we can actually listen to our bodies, listen to our guts, listen to those spidey senses that start tingling, in ways that allow our road to be a lot more collaborative.” (32:38)

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How to Stop Outsourcing Your Enoughness w/ Bonnie Gillespie FULL TRANSCRIPT

Steph Gaudreau
Welcome to Episode 285 of the Listen To Your Body Podcast. If you’ve ever felt like you are not enough than today’s show with my guest, Bonnie Gillespie is for you. She’s helping us dive into how to stop outsourcing your enoughness. The next evolution of Harder To Kill Radio is here. Welcome to the Listen To Your Body Podcast. on this show, we’ll explore the intersection of body, mind, and soul health and help you reclaim your abilities to eat and move more intuitively. Hear your body’s signals, and trust yourself more deeply. I’m Steph Gaudreau, a certified intuitive eating counselor, nutritional therapy practitioner, and strength coach. On this podcast. You can expect to hear expert guest interviews and solo chats that will help you deepen your trust with the food movement and your body. Remember to hit the subscribe button and share this podcast with your friends and loved ones. Now, on to the show.

Welcome back. Lovely, thank you so much for listening to the podcast today. And every Tuesday, I have so much gratitude for you tuning into the show. Honestly, it makes my day every single time. I hear that you have enjoyed a guest. The podcast has sparked inspiration in you, or it’s just something that you really look forward to. And we’re creeping up just about on the five-year mark, which is mind-blowing to consider. We’re also creeping up toward 300 episodes. Wow, what a crazy amazing ride. So thank you so much for being part of it. If you haven’t yet, hit the subscribe button on your podcast app. There should be one on pretty much any app. You’re listening to this podcast on, hit that button. It means that every Tuesday when a new show is ready and freshly baked is going to go right into your device, you won’t have to go looking for it. And it also helps people who have not yet found the show to stumble across it very organically. So whenever you hit subscribe, you make it possible that new folks will join the fold, which I think is just really exciting. So thanks so much for doing that. Today’s episode is with a very special friend of mine. Her name is Bonnie Gillespie, and she is the guru in Hollywood for self-management for actors, which you might not necessarily think that has a strong connection to a show that’s grounded in listening to your body, finding the middle ground of eating, stop, how to stop obsessing about food in your body. You might not think that at first glance bought this show. And the reason why I wanted to bring Bonnie on this podcast is to help relate to you how to start owning your enoughness. And this is something that she deals with all the time in her professional work and it’s really become such a guiding pillar of everything that she does. And I thought you know what, this is definitely something that is very relatable to the universe of this podcast, which is why I asked Bonnie to come on and I’m just so incredibly glad that she did. Now before we run off to the episode, one more thing and that is to join my listen to your body newsletter. I am I’ve been saying this all over social media but I’ve been in the metaphorical kitchen cooking up some really awesome stuff for you and I cannot wait to share it. Suffice to say it’s going to be really big. I’m making some big changes in my business and I cannot wait to share more details with you. It will drop first over on the newsletter. So to get yourself all signed up for that newsletter, it’s so simple. Just go to StephGaudreau.com/LTYB and you will be on the list and the first to know. Alright, without any further ado, let’s jump into this episode with Bonnie Gillespie.

Hello, Miss Bonnie, welcome to the podcast.

Bonnie Gillespie
Thank you Steph, I’m so happy to be here.

Steph Gaudreau
I am so happy to be here. Oh my gosh, this is gonna seem when I sort of give the quick rundown of what you do or you get the quick rundown of what you do. This may seem like this episode is coming out of left field.

But you have so much incredible wisdom that you coach your people with folks that you work with that. It’s about high time I had you on this podcast and I’m just so glad to know you in real life and to be lucky enough to be a friend of yours because I think you’re an incredible human and I Really appreciate your perspective and everything that you have to share with the world. It’s a beautiful thing to see.

Bonnie Gillespie
Yay. I’m smiling so big right now.

Steph Gaudreau
Well, I feel like we need that reflected back at us. A lot of times, you know, the work that we do, a lot of times we’re very service-oriented, and I know you are in your community and the things that you’re doing and it can, it can get a little bit like you forget all the things that you’ve been able to help people with and accomplish. And it’s really cool.

Bonnie Gillespie
Thanks. Thanks. I’m happy to have the opportunity to do some of that reflecting with you and in in in front of these amazing people who are checking this out today.

Steph Gaudreau
Yeah, so we’ve known each other online for I don’t know, I’ve tried to do the math earlier. I think it’s seven years. I was gonna say it’s at least six, seven years. Yeah, yeah. It’s been a hot minute. We’ve all been through some interesting changes along the way, to me and the thing that really, every time I talk to you even though we come from very disparate industries, I feel like you from the entertainment industry, myself kind of in the health and wellness space, It never ceases to amaze me how the things that you’re really helping people do are those universal concepts that all of us can apply to our lives and, and I think that’s the thing that’s really drawn me to you over the years that in your just your generosity, your willingness to sit down and, and talk and get in there and help people out with the things that they’re struggling with, and a lot of the mindset work that you do with your community. So that’s what we’re going to talk about on the show today. I think I don’t get into that. But for those of you who have never heard of you, which is likely to be maybe a lot of people unless you’re from the entertainment It industry, give us a little rundown on what you do, and how you kind of got there because it’s an interesting story.

Bonnie Gillespie
So I’m the author of a book called Self Management For Actors and that is probably the thing most people know me for. And that came about as I was a kid actor back in Atlanta and made the move to Hollywood as you do. And I had a series of little jobs little like disposable. Not golden handcuffs, jobs because I had done that route once before and knew that you kind of lose your hustle and stop auditioning. When you have a golden handcuffs job, one that pays you so well and promises they’ll give you time off if you get a big movie role, but you never audition. So how could you get that role? I had a bunch of little disposable jobs. And one of them was as a floater temp at a publication that still exists here in the industry called backstage and I was asked to start interviewing casting directors. And this seemed like the best actor scam job going because I can go get in every casting office that wouldn’t invite me in if I showed up with my headshot and resume and demo reel. But if I showed up with a microcassette recorder and a little reporters Notepad, they’re like, Come and sit down, hang out. And so I got to put on my journalism hat, and interview all these legends of casting and the people who basically created that part of the industry. And this was back in 99 2000. There was no version of the internet at that time where people were sharing their toys or sharing the behind the scenes process of how casting went. So there was a lot of mystery. And my work was to pull back the curtain and show actors, here’s what’s going on in these rooms. And here’s what these people say you need to be doing because that just that information was not available. And so over the years that became self-management for actors, which is basically four pillars of how actors can manage their own lives and their careers and get up to the tears that they want, whether that’s winning things that are golden, shiny, or just being able to pay all their bills in an industry that rejects a lot of people every single day. And the thing that’s evolved from that has been this work on enoughness. And this is the work that is taking me beyond showbiz now. Because if I can help a generation of people who get rejected for a living feel as if I am enough, and there’s nothing I need to change, I am as I am, exactly where I need to be in who I need to be, and having the experiences that I need to have. That’s something that I want to bring to more people. So that’s what brings us to this intersection today.

Steph Gaudreau
Yeah, and and i think that maybe there are some actors or aspiring actors listening to this podcast. I’m sure there are some out there. And I’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode if that applies to you out there, but I think you know, a lot of people are in In this frame of mind and this mindset now, these days more than ever, I mean, you mentioned you kind of started this work in 1999-2000. And I think I remember back then getting on email at my college and thinking, this is the best thing. I got an email. Oh, she’s so excited, like the internet was so young and fresh back then. And it is not I mean, not only I’m sure the people that you’re working with in terms of this, of acting, going out there and you’re, you’re getting in front of people and you’re you’re having to face that rejection. But now we have a whole generation of us who are we have these digital footprints, we have these digital lives, and I feel like there’s this extra layer. I mean, it’s hard to get rejected in person. We can all attest to that, but I’m sure there’s this extra layer of like, having to assess your enoughness Mm-hmm digital space. Yeah, how? It’s you can’t I mean, it’s hard to touch it. Right? So I kind of how have you noticed that changed over the years?

Bonnie Gillespie
Gosh, that’s so good. And so true stuff. Because, you know, I just I immediately as you’re saying it, I flashed to the moment that I go look at the reviews of my book and someone’s given it one star and they say all the things that my inner critic says. And it’s like, how do they know? How do they know how to say the exact thing that my inner critic says, which then, of course, eclipses, hundreds of positive reviews in my mind. And that space that it takes up in the brain to go put ourselves out there anyway, despite all the things that are trying to protect us and keep us safe and small, which is a part of the brain’s job, saying, No, no, no, don’t put yourself out there. Don’t, don’t be seen. Don’t expand beyond your very small, primal circle. Here. You go and do it. Anyway, you finally get up the chutzpah to do it. And then Someone has that strong opinion and they’re not so nice about how they deliver it. It is a regular challenge to that, that resting state of enoughness, which is, I know that even when someone says something that agrees with my inner critic, it is just a thing, it doesn’t mean that I did something wrong, it doesn’t mean that there’s something to fix. It just means that the person who’s not my buyer, and the majority of the population, no matter what it is that you do, is not your buyer. And when we can look at things from that perspective, which is exactly what I teach with the actors that I work with, and the other showbiz storytellers, is you get clear on, oh, this is what my buyer looks like, and everybody else is just not my buyer. It doesn’t really matter what opinions they bring to the table or to the internet, about what it is that you’re doing, because the data needs to come from the people that you’re here to serve.

Steph Gaudreau
You know, as you’re talking and I was kind of imagining, I was imagining all these actors in my mind. And I’m thinking, you know, when you’re working with folks on their self-management, their branding and what makes them really unique and who they are, we got this, we have this paradox. I feel like with self and worth and enoughness, where I think I go out in nature, for example, and maybe I’m looking at a bunch of trees and is always the tree that’s the most unique that we’re drawn to. Yeah, we’re like, look at that. That is amazing. That is beautiful, you know, and then we turn that on ourselves, and we just think I stand out too much I’m not gonna fit in. And obviously, there’s whole psychology about that, and we’re social creatures. But how do you really help the people you work with to accept the things about them and really work with the things about them that are unique, different And that contribute to their sense of worth and enoughness?

Bonnie Gillespie
So there’s this crucial moment in everyone’s life, usually, in single-digit ages, you know, 678, somewhere in there, where you’re chosen method of self-expression, your, your choices became inconvenient for someone whose job it is to take care of you. And this is true for all of us and sometimes happens much earlier than that, but it’s usually there in the single-digit ages. enough for you to have the awareness. I just did something that makes my ability to survive, go into risk. And because the part of our brain that says survive at all costs, gets pinged at that moment, we start talking in our personality. We Start playing small, we start editing. And we’re now at a cognitive level where we’re able to negotiate some of our choices and realize that our choices have consequences. And we start tamping down who it is that we really are. And we spend enough time doing that so that we can fit in, in the social circles at school and make sure that we’re not causing trouble at home and all the places that we enter into where we try to fit in, like, here we are in a school where there may actually only be one other person there that truly sees who we are, and that we truly see who they are and that we would go this is someone I’m going to keep for life. But right there in that moment, we don’t have enough life experience to trust that there are so many other people outside of the school culture that makes up our tribe, our people. So we do everything we can to try and make sure that we fit into that box that’s right there around where we grew up and where we live and At some point when we decide, oh, I’m going to go out into the world and actually share my gifts and tell some stories and be seen, we are so well practiced at making it look non-threatening to a group that isn’t even us that we actually kind of have to unlearn and let some of those strong muscles atrophy so that we can go back to that version of ourselves that first got told you’re too much. Way, way, way young, huh?

Steph Gaudreau
Yeah, you’re here as you’re, as you’re talking about that. I’m sort of, you know, going through my own experiences too. And I’m not even an actor. I mean, we were talking about earlier, I made the slip of the tongue. I said that we’re going to record this without audio and we had a laugh about it.

Bonnie Gillespie
So the best podcast ever!

Steph Gaudreau
We just did telepathically do this show. But you know, when you’re an actor, you have to be seen, right? You have to be heard. That’s how you do your craft. It is inherent to what you are about. You can’t not right so I imagine that that’s even more amplified in a lot of the folks who are, are really struggling with that dynamic of you know, I’m out there trying to get work I’m out there trying to be seen I’m out here trying to lay in that role and be in front of people. And, and yet I’m dealing with that inner world that is, is sometimes at odds with wanting to be seen. So it’s such an interesting dynamic, I think.

Bonnie Gillespie
And the way we work that out actually is by focusing on the long game. I’m such a long game person, I’m such a big picture person. And that doesn’t mean that I can’t make things work in the micro I absolutely can. But I always say your job is to book the room. And a lot of actors, a lot of creatives, a lot of everybody believes that what has to happen is I have a need I want to get this job I want to land this client I want to have this result. And it’s very short term focused. And if that doesn’t go that way, something’s wrong. Or I’m broken or there’s something to fix. And if instead, we say book the room, which means go in for that audition, and yeah, you know, have prepped for it, like, do all the things that make you a good auditioning actor, do all the things that are the professional and right things to do. But go in with the goal of building your fan base, you know, like impressing upon them, not only impressing them but impressing upon them. This is who I am. This when you need something that looks like this is exactly what I do. And whether it’s this role or some other role in the future. That’s okay, cuz nobody’s retiring tomorrow. So I’m just here to show you what I do. And I’m going to book the room because I’m going to leave there with you knowing that this is what I’m good at, and this is what I specialize in. But so many actors go I want to book that job. So let me change that. I am let me edit what I can do. Let me shift what choices I’ve made. Because in the waiting room, I can hear other actors auditioning, and they got a laugh when they did that. So maybe I need to do that too. And of course, this exacerbates all that stuff that created the low enoughness in our younger lives. And then we go in and we do something that’s not even our choice because we got tweaked about what would make us get this one role. And instead of building a fan base out of those buyers, we’ve taught them something that we’re not great at. And so we not only don’t book the role, we didn’t teach them who we are. We didn’t create fans who bring us in the next time that something is aligned. And so the way we fix that is by always looking at the big picture. How do I add to my fan base by making the way that I show up, be authentic and true to who I am and the message that I want to put out in the world?

Steph Gaudreau
Above that, I can see a lot of parallels with people who are working in the health space working online. Right, Sam? The same concept we sometimes show up to certain events or certain even things like a sales page, or our email or our social media presence. And we think we have to change who we are to fit, whatever to fit the community to fit the people we want to impress to fit the people we might want to work with someday. And that’s what I kind of hear you saying there too, right is to play that long game of being yourself in that space. Instead of being that necessarily like being that chameleon who’s gonna adapt and shift in and keep, I mean, adapt, adapting is important, but just to keep shape-shifting, and, and ultimately to kind of lose yourself in that process.

Bonnie Gillespie
Yeah, exactly. Because if we take down as the population into thirds, and say that a third of the population of the planet they’re not into me, like on just on principle, like they hate me on site, they’ve never been me. They’re just the concept of me and who I am and my gender expression and my skin color my politics whatever there are, like a third of the people on the planet who just outright no on me like absolutely not a full stop, no problem. There’s a third of the population that are my super fans. I can do no wrong. They like you, you know when you walk into a party and you’re just like, Ooh, that person’s my person. You also know when you walk into a party and you’re like, Nope, I was gonna go over by the dip, but that person’s by the dip and I don’t want to be near that person. And I don’t know why it’s primal. And then there’s this third of the population. That’s kind of, yeah, man, take it, leave it, whatever, I don’t know. And we tend to spend most of our energy trying to convince the non-fans and the people on how to get us to try like Oh, let me just give you more information and show you more ways than I can, you know, turn around and do a trick and convince you that I’m, I’m worth looking into a little more. Whereas if instead we put our energy on how I serve the third of the population that is already on board for exactly who I am and what I am effortlessly. We can have massive success. But we spend so much energy looking at how we can convert people who are never into us, to begin with. So true.

Steph Gaudreau
I’m just saying like yes, yes, yes, at least myself.

I want to come back around to this idea of enoughness. Because I just love I love the sentiment of this I love you know, everything that comes out of that field, like the feeling that comes along with it. And you talked about earlier sort of that concept of low enoughness. And in this world, especially in the world we’re in now there’s a lot of people have the ability to outsource. There are so many things in their lives, right we have I can outsource our cooking. I can outsource our laundry. We can outsource everything really when it comes down to it if we have the right resources and yet When we outsource, we lose that, that essential capacity. And I think you’re seeing, in some ways now with what’s going on in the world, we’re like, oh, I can’t I don’t have access to the things I might normally outsource. Mm-hmm. Now, oh, like, I have to do this myself or I have to learn how to do it myself or I’m faced with the reality of what’s underneath. And so, you know, can you explain how outsourcing your enoughness what that might look like, and how do we start to take ownership of that back?

Bonnie Gillespie
So the real test of it is, what would I choose to do? If there’s no one left on the planet that I know? morbid as it sounds. This is actually a test I gave myself during my I called it my age 28 epiphanies until I learned Oh, that’s my Saturn return. Got it. Done. Different label. But that moment when you go I’m going to wake up 40 wondering what if and you change course. And if you’re me, you drop out of a Ph. D program, sell everything you own on eBay, and move back to Hollywood to give acting one workshop. But that is how it turned out for me the questions I asked, or if everyone I know is dead. And if I have all the money in the world, so it doesn’t matter. Like I’m not making a choice because I think it will pay me How do I spend my time? How do I spend my energy if it’s not because of the influence of anyone else’s opinion, and I was a good Southern girl grew up in Atlanta, I knew how to defer to everyone else about what was the proper and right thing to do. It was very important for me to metaphorically kill off everyone that I know and put all of the money that I need in the bank to learn Oh my God, I would live in LA. I would live in LA and work in the entertainment industry. Even if I don’t make it as an actor, because I’m a storyteller. And I’m a storyteller at the largest possible platform available to me. And there is none larger than Hollywood. And show business is manufactured here, no matter where else it may shoot, this is the Center for it. So knowing that I would then pick up, drop out of a program, move all the way across the country, and just freefall and see if I could make a living doing a bunch of little crap jobs. While I pursued my acting career ended up being the thing that taught me that this is exactly what I’m fantastic at. And if I had instead chosen the safe job or stayed in the degree program and married the guy that I was dating and all the things that I was supposed to do, I would have had a midlife crisis that would have burned all of this out in me. And what we’re seeing happening right now is so many people have lost the conveniences and the little things that they could fill their life and time with, that distracted them from the fact that they actually have made a series of life choices that aren’t their own. And we have so many ways that we can distract ourselves from ever noticing that under unusual circumstances. And here we are today looking at ourselves sometimes going, well crap, if I don’t have this ritual or this experience in the gym, or this peer group to check in on I actually have to get to know what is it that I want? What is it that I choose? And that’s when we start to have a little crisis, possibly of having made low enough Miss choices and outsourced enough Miss choices long enough that we’ve actually created a life that isn’t even ours. And so the way we combat that is by starting to take back some of those places where we have outsourced and that’s what is the kind of choice I can make in this situation. And I mean what’s the kind of choice I can make in this situation? For me, not what makes me come in last, what puts everybody else first? What allows me to caretake and problem solve and people, please. But instead, what is it that I would choose in this moment and just choose more of those more often as you build up the muscle for making it safe to actually live the life that is composed of all the things that you enjoy, and it feels good for you?

Steph Gaudreau
I think what I hear you saying is the T-word. Trusting, which is such a, you know, it’s a great concept for people they’re like, Yes, okay. or, or, you know, it’s, I think some people can send have the sense that trust is very idealistic. And also it’s something that over time, right when you’ve outsourced this, you lose sight of right you lose sight of that ability to trust yourself. When we were talking earlier, how do we, you know, like, how does this relate to listening to yourself to listening to your intuition to tie into that? And you said something really beautiful about your inherent wisdom. And I would love to hear a little bit more about your thoughts on that. I mean, how do we start to trust? How do we get deeper and you said, You’re making those, those choices and building the muscle, but what does that really look like in practical terms?

Bonnie Gillespie
So there’s, there is a lack of trust that gets built up over time because of how often we’ve outsourced because of how often we had a gut experience a gut feeling a gut hit, a gut check. Like there’s any moment where we’ve felt our intuition has told us our bodies are speaking to us. There’s communication running through us all the time. We’ve gotten that feeling, and it’s prickly enough that it’s really got our attention and we use Our logical, rational executive function brain to convince us to do something else. And every time we’ve done that we do erode trust in just in that relationship between what we will do and what our bodies and their wisdom is constantly trying to communicate to us. And one of the things that the body has the most of when it comes to the ability to get our attention. That’s pain. And it’s not because the body isn’t more creative than that. It’s because we are so brilliantly doing everything that our executive function tells us we should do. And we’re outsourcing so many things that we make it so that we don’t pay attention to what our brains sorry, what our gut or second brains what our bodies are telling us. In the small, the smaller signals, which is why we sometimes will have to have The moment at which the body says bitch Sit down. And that’s what happened to me. And there was a moment where I just went, Oh my God, my body has been trying to get my attention for decades. And I have been making it really easy to ignore it. And when I have heard it, I’ve said, No, you’re cute, don’t worry, your pretty little head, hon, I’ve got this. And because of that relationship, the body sometimes has to do some pretty aggressive things to get our attention. But what’s beautiful about that, at least in my situation, is that it allowed me to take the time that I was on bed rest to take the time that I was really in the depths of my healing journey, which honestly I’m now always in the depths of my healing journey. I just think I’m constantly on that journey and I love it. But when it when, when my full-time job was to heal, I got to become acutely aware of how often My body is communicating things to me about things that might be more fun to do things that might light me up differently. Things that might be more profitable in my business while I was on bed rest, my business doubled in revenue, and I went, wait. So staying out of the way, is what? It’s what my business needed to succeed. Holy crap. And I would have never had the opportunity to know that because I would have gotten a gut hit that said, Take some time away, take some time off and I would have then overwritten that with no, no, I have to constantly be present. I have to be everywhere I have to be on the internet. I have to be checking with clients. I have to be managing, managing, managing, or else there’s nothing and all that dizziness. All that. Hurry, hurry, make it right. Check with everybody else. Follow the rules, is all about following somebody else’s packaging of the rules. And when instead we get still and quiet and check-in and say, Hey, Bob, what’s up? What do you need to tell me? But let’s just let’s check-in for a second here and just talk to me. What do I need to hear? And then I hear Oh, I need to just give a little more space in the back of my neck, I’m going to change the way I’m sitting long enough for that to really feel good and to send just a bunch of energy down my spine because of the way I adjusted my neck. Oh, that felt good. I’m going to do more of that. Just those tiny little moments. build trust back and it doesn’t take very long to build that trust back to a point where we can actually listen to our bodies. Listen to our guts. Listen to those spidey senses that start tingling in ways that allow our road to be a lot more collaborative.

Steph Gaudreau
Absolutely, how long and how long were you on bed rest for so that everybody knows?

Bonnie Gillespie
Three and a half months?

Steph Gaudreau
Yeah, it wasn’t just like a week, y’all. It was a pretty long time.

Bonnie Gillespie
Yeah, it was. It was bad. And I was on drugs. They weren’t sure I met with the UCLA UCLA pain team. I had you know MRIs, CAT scans. x rays I was in the hospital multiple times. They had me on a drug at one point that was meant to slow down the process of my brain. Because the pain conversation was it wasn’t making any sense. No one could understand I just had undiagnosable mystery pain. And they said, well, then it’s obviously happening in your brain, which honestly all pain is. It’s all a conversation. And usually, it runs the direction of Oh, I’m touching a hot stove. There’s a signal going up to the brain saying, Yeah, you should not do that. And then you move your hand and that’s the conversations over but when it gets stuck in this loop of just there’s pain, there’s pain, there’s pain, and there isn’t actually a physiological reason for that. They said we just need to slow down the way your brain is communicating pain, which meant also slowing down the way my brain communicated language or thought or anything else. And I went, Oh my god, I may be done. Like I may be sitting here at 47 done and I have had to get to a place of surrender in which I said, and that’s okay. If If I am done, I’ve done enough. And I think in surrendering and letting it be okay, I gave my brain and my body space to connect with one another again for the first time probably in decades due to some trauma that I’d experienced when I was younger I really segregated brain and body which I know a lot of people have a similar story where it just as a survival method, you put these in different compartments, and to be able to get the band back together again and have the brain and the body has really cool conversations and jam sessions as I made it feel safe to feel and not have those drugs in my system. The conversation got so beautiful, and I got very curious about what it is that my body is always trying to teach me. And that’s become one of my favorite relationships of my lifetime. And there’s So much trust involved because we built back that, that that deal that I’m going to listen to you and if you tell me Nope, we’re not going to that you’re overcommitted, you need to rest I’ll go I can promise you I will never push you to show up when you’ve decided it’s time to rest and making that safe for my body to send that signal because I will listen has proved to be everything.

Steph Gaudreau
I love that. I love the way you articulated all of that and so beautifully pulled in all of the different concepts. We talked about this so much on this podcast, right is that how do we build trust back? How do we think about it like little Lego pieces? I guess I’m obsessed with Legos, right? But, you know, you don’t just a Lego wall isn’t just one big wall. It’s just those little bricks, right? So brick by brick piece by piece. And so every time you’re, you’re honoring those signals, it is like we’re rebuilding that, that communication and that’s just so beautifully said. I know But it’s certainly gonna ring true for a lot of people listening to the show.

Bonnie Gillespie
You know, it makes it I think making it feel as though there’s no conversation, you could start with me body that’s going to go sideways. There. You can tell me you want sugar for breakfast and I’m going to go you know that there are consequences to that choice. It’s I’m not going to make you wrong for having that need. I’m going to spend a little more time asking you why? Because the why may be something we can heal with something other than sugar. But if what we come down to is ultimate No, it’s going to have to be some sugar, then that’s going to be okay. And I’m not going to then later beat you up about that I’m not going to later go see stupid that I’m not going to create an abusive relationship inside my own system. And once it gets enough practice of those tiny little choices being met with love and unconditional Love Like I’m going to love you right now. Not in 10 pounds, not in a different personal best. Not when you’ve got this much money in the bank or you booked that role like that it’s unconditional love. Once I show up and make that True enough times and enough times maybe even like a half dozen, it starts to take that wall down piece by piece little Lego by little Lego way faster than it took to go up.

Steph Gaudreau
Beautifully said. Oh my goodness. Unbelievably, we’ve already reached the half an hour mark which is crazy. I would love to keep talking to you. No, I think I’d like to have you back at some point we’ll talk about you know, all the things all the Astro things that you know, girl.

Bonnie Gillespie
Yes, we can geek out on the Astro all day.

Steph Gaudreau
Totally. We will we’ll do that again at some point and have you back. I love it. I love this conversation. If there are people out there who are Like, yes, I want to learn more about enoughness about how I can start excavating this and digging down and looking at all these things or just communicate with you, people who are aspiring actors, all that good stuff, where can they find out more about you?

Bonnie Gillespie
So BonnieGillespie.com is always going to be the front page of all the things and I’m Bonnie Gillespie on Twitter, and Bonnie Gillespie at Instagram because of somebody who got out there first and parked my identity and we had to have a little talk about that, but that’s fine. It’s useful by me. I’m incredibly gullible. Have you know, busy YouTube channel I got like, like to do live streams pretty frequently. So I do appear on Facebook now. And then even though it’s not my favorite platform, but I’m in all the places and while there’s not currently an enoughness offering in the world of all the Bonnie Gillespie things because they are definitely still more active focus. We are noticing more and more Nonactors who do identify as creative people joining into our memberships just to work on the enoughness stuff with me, which is really exciting for me because it means that vision that I had for expanding beyond actors, and showbiz is actually starting to really take shape. And I love what it’s teaching me every day.

Steph Gaudreau
Beautiful we will link all of that in the show notes. Bonnie, thank you so much for joining us on the Listen To Your Body Podcast. I hope we’re able to see each other again in person soon.

Bonnie Gillespie
Yes, ma’am. Yes, ma’am. Please.

Steph Gaudreau
Lots of hugs. We need to squeeze man. I’ll tell you. Yes. Yes. All right. Thanks for being on the show. I appreciate you. Thank you. It’s been a blast. All right, that’s a wrap on this episode for how to stop outsourcing your enoughness because you are enough You are amazing and perfect as you are. Thank you so much to Bonnie for coming on the show and I want to know what rang true for you What rang true what resonated? What was the aha moment? What really touched you from this episode with Bonnie? So share it out on social media. That’s the best way for us to see that you really loved this episode and make sure you tagged Bonnie, she’s at Bonnie Gillespie and me, at Steph_Gaudreau. I know the underscores in the dots. You’ll find us and share it out tag us so we can see your thoughts and what resonated with you. It is so thrilling when we get to see that it really connects. And it has a positive impact. So make sure you do that. Also hit subscribe on your podcast app, and that way new episodes will automatically come into your device. And lastly, if you want the show notes for this episode, including links to everything that we talked about, and a transcript, you’re going to navigate your took us over to StephGaudreau.com and there you’ll find the show notes for this and every single episode of The Listen To Your Body Podcasts., formerly Harder To Kill Radio. All right, that does it for this week next week I’m back for a solo episode has been a hot minute but it is time for me to start sharing some things that have been on my mind. And I cannot wait to meet you back here next Tuesday for that episode. Until then, be well!

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Hi, I'm Steph!

Lord of the Rings nerd, cold brew drinker, and depending on who you ask, crazy cat lady. My mission is to help you fuel for more, not less: bigger muscles, strength, energy, and possibilities. We’ll do it with my signature blend of science, strategy…and a little bit of sass.

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