Today on Harder To Kill Radio I am sharing a major announcement and letting you in on a personal issue that I hope will help those of you who are also struggling with burnout. While it has become more and more common in our society for us to feel exhausted and burnt out, it is not normal, and this universal concept needs to be addressed.
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Struggling With Burnout
If you feel as though you are struggling with a lack of creativity, motivation or mental health, burnout could be the culprit. By setting boundaries, focusing on self-care and being open with what you are dealing with, we can destigmatize and de-normalize burnout for the masses.
A lot of us are struggling with burnout while pretending we have it all together. If you are wrestling with burning out because you are trying to do all of the things, this is the episode you need to listen too. How do you protect yourself from getting burnt out? Share your self-care strategies with us in the comments below.
On Today’s Episode
- The importance of setting boundaries when it comes to your mental health (11:50)
- Why entrepreneurs need to stop pretending they have it all together (14:30)
- Signs that you need to take your foot off the gas for a little bit (17:50)
- The necessity of self-care when it comes to treating burnout (18:45)
- Ways that you can practice challenging yourself to say no (20:30)
Resources Mentioned In This Show
“Although it is common, it is not normal to feel this way.” (1:48)
“Entrepreneurs, we need to stop fucking pretending that we have it all figured out and that we are not struggling with this stuff.” (14:39)
“These things are not revolutionary, but when we practice them we already set ourselves up for a lot of what goes into self-care. Because when we don’t feel good in our body, it is really hard to make a change in these other areas. (23:35)
“It’s okay to not be okay, it is important to ask for help, we cannot do this alone.” (26:26)
The Core 4 book is now available! Click here to get a free gift when you purchase.
Harder to Kill Radio is sponsored by the Nutritional Therapy Association. Registration is now open for the NTA’s Nutritional Therapy Practitioner Online Program. Learn more and save your seat (and don’t forget to mention my name on your application!)
You can also try out their free 7-day course, Nutritional Therapy 101.
258: Real Talk About Burnout FULL TRANSCRIPT
This is episode 258 of harder to kill radio today on the show. I’m bringing the real talk all about burnout. Let’s go. I’m Steph Gaudreau. I help women get stronger, know their worth, and take up space without restrictive dieting or exercise as punishment. I’m here to share that you can approach nutrition, fitness, and mindset from a place of nourishment so you begin to trust yourself more deeply. Let’s talk about how to embrace your body and own your power. Now with over two and a half million downloads, this is harder to kill radio.
Hey there, welcome back to harder to kill radio. Thanks so much for joining me on this episode of fierce love Friday. I’m happy you’re here. I really appreciate that you tune in to the show every week to hang out with me and my sometimes special guests. It really does mean a lot, so thank you for returning. I today I’m going to be talking about something that I’ve been feeling quite a bit. This show is going to be not only personal for me, but hopefully well maybe will apply to you and I’m going to be talking about burnout. I hope it doesn’t apply to you, but what I have to say is that I notice, and I have the more I’ve been talking about this, the more people have been coming out of the woodwork or admitting that they are dealing with this as well. I think this is a very universal concept and although it is common, it’s not normal to feel this way.
And with all judgments aside, I mean I don’t think our, our human baseline is burnout, but it’s very common. It’s something that a lot of people are dealing with, maybe even you. So I’m hoping that sharing about this today will help you feel less alone. So I’m also going to be sharing some very important news about harder to kill radio. And I’ll probably do that first just to get that out of the way so that we’re all clear on that. But before we jump in, today’s episode brought to you by the core for my book. Embrace your body, own your power. We are smack dab in the holiday season and I know it’s so tempting to want to go on a diet or control what you’re eating and work out like a mad person, but I’m here to tell you that that stuff’s not sustainable. It’s not going to last, and it is not a way to meet yourself with kindness and nourishment.
That’s just my stance on things. So if you want to learn more about incorporating eating nourishing foods, moving with intention, recharging your energy and empowering your mind, please pick up a copy of the core four. That’s my book. I’ve combined it anywhere that books are sold or you can find a signed copy on Steph gaudreau.com and before we jump into today’s content, today’s show is brought to you by the nutritional therapy association, the NTA trains and certifies nutritional therapy practitioners like myself. I did the program in 2018 and it was one of the best things that I have ever done for myself professionally. In the realm of nutrition. The NTA emphasizes whole food, properly prepared nutrient dense frameworks as the key to restoring balance in the body. They’ve just launched a brand new online program for NTPs where students take an in-depth look at things like function and dysfunction of body systems, food quality, health and wellness barriers, emotional wellbeing, environment, the importance of sleep and movement and stress.
And you know, we love all those topics here and how they affect the body. As a student, you’ll be empowered with motivational interviewing techniques, clinical and practical skills, and all the most up to date knowledge to become a highly recognized and respected nutrition and wellness professionals in your community. Registration is now open and seats are filling up quickly. You can learn more and save your seat by going to nutritional therapy.com and of course, remember to mention my name on your application. Okay, here we go. So let’s, let’s do, let’s talk about the announcement first. The announcement about harder to kill radio. Is that as of next week, harder to kill radio, we’ll be returning to, it’s one time a week format? Yes. If you’re new, you’re a new listener, you’re new to this community. Hello, welcome. And you’re probably going to think, what the fuck. I only, I only know two episodes a week.
Well, a little history. This show was started by me in June of 2015 and in June of 2018 so after three years I decided to do a second weekly show. The show started off as a guest interview show just like our Tuesday shows now. And then a year and a half ago I decided to add a Friday episode where I just got to word vomit. All the things that are going on in my brain. Talk about the stuff that I see going on in the community to offer you some extra help and support. And I’ve been doing that now for a year and a half. So both shows now I know if you’re a podcast listener, I’m sure you have a sense that it’s more involved than just someone sits down with a recording device and talks. There’s a lot that goes on on the backend. There’s a lot goes on with coordination and scheduling and nurturing the relationships for the people that are on the show as guests and there’s a lot that goes on in post-production with editing and the show notes and the transcripts and the social media and the promotion and everything taken together.
Podcasting has been such a huge joy for me and I have connected with people, not only you, the listener, but with other guests and deepen those relationships with folks. It is been amazing and I am so grateful for that opportunity to have brought you the show now for four and a half years. The two, the Friday show has also been incredible and I can’t even count the number of people who have said I had, I got so much out of this episode or this caused a light bulb to go on in my head and it made something click. Wow. It changed my life. It is. It is impacted me positively in so many ways. So that’s all well and good, but I have to tell you that since the book has come out, I’ve really been struggling. I’ve been struggling with a lack of creative energy.
I’ve been struggling with a lack of motivation and yes, don’t you reverse psychology? Me, I get it. I, I have a whole episode on motivation, so I’m not talking about sort of the, um, sitting around and waiting for motivation to strike. That’s not it. But suffice to say, it’s been, I’ve been very, uh, untethered. My friend, dr Maya, she treats, calls it very untethered, very floaty feeling in terms of where am I going next, what am I meant to do? Who am I really here to serve? How can I best serve them, whoever they will be or whoever they are? And I rebranded from stupid, easy paleo. It’s been just a hair over a year. And I thought, Oh my goodness, when this website is done, it’s going to be it for a while because it took me a total of, I think probably two and a half years, maybe a little bit longer to finally dive in and surrender to the rebrand.
And so I thought, Oh, okay, here we go. We’re finally ready. This website’s ready. And I like, I have complete clarity. And what’s become apparent to me and I’ve been wrestling with is that I really have it. I don’t have clarity and I don’t know if it’s turning 40. I don’t know if it’s leaning more into being an empath and a highly sensitive person and somebody who is just, gosh darn it not it is like against every fiber of my being to niche down, which is the business advice, you know, niche down to the niche. The riches are in the niches, um, to, you know, exclude so many people and I, I get it as a, as a business person, right? The more specific you can be, the more specific the person is at, you’re trying to reach. I understand that at a logical level it is.
It is completely against what I know in my body to be true. And so I’ve been really in this weird spot. I’ve been in this weird spot who do, who am I here to help? What am I really here to do? How do I rectify this is a confessional. Y’all remember the real world confessional? I feel like I should just sit in the closet and record this. Um, but I have really been having a hard time with this, not knowing what to do next, not knowing where I fit in, knowing that a lot of the business advice out there doesn’t work for me. It’s not that I have been unwilling to try because believe you me, I have invested in coaching and programs and this and that and some of it has been incredibly amazing and very insightful and has given me a lot to think about.
And I have learned a lot over the years. If you asked me 10 years ago what I know, everything from email marketing to podcasting to building online programs and writing books, I probably would’ve looked at you a little bit crooked. But there’s also a lot of stuff that doesn’t fit who I am. And I have intro a diverse array of interests. And I talked about this on the podcast with Alegra, one of my coaches where we sat down and she was talking about when you’re, what are you afraid of? And we talked about being a curator and my judgments on being a curator and how that is playing into a lot of this kind of mental struggle that I’ve been having. So I started talking about this first on my personal Facebook and I wrote this big long post, I think it was some time in September, now we’re in mid to late November, and the number of people who I know who are in the online business space, who are practitioners, who are business people, et cetera, the number of people who wrote to me or texted me, my goodness, I know the best people on the fucking planet.
I’m telling you this, I had people reach out to me, text me, call me, message me and say things like, thank you. I thought I was the only one feeling this way where you know, social media has been such a blessing and also if our boundaries aren’t strong enough can completely be a mind fuck. And I’ve been struggling with that as well, which is one of the reasons I’ve been reducing the number of posts that I’ve been putting in the Instagram feed. Still in stories, go find me there, go follow me.
But making this sort of revelation and saying, Hey, it’s not for lack of trying. And my husband Z, who a lot of, you know, he’s been on the show a few times, his nickname for me is the workhorse. It hasn’t been for lack of trying and lack of output. In fact, pretty recently I created a, uh, an ebook for lack of, it started off as a one-page tip sheet and it became an ebook about hormonal acne and how to nutritionally address hormonal acne and lifestyle stuff. And I came, he came home one day from work and he said, well, what did you do today? And I said I made a 20 page PDF about skincare. I think he just looked at me like, you’re insane. So it’s not for lack of working hard, it’s not for lack of trying, but there’s just been a lot of that going on.
And when I talked to friends of mine, people that I know, there were so many of you may be even who listened to this show, who just said, Oh my gosh, stuff. Thank you so much for sharing about this because it’s been, it’s been hard and I didn’t know anybody else was feeling this way. Thank you so much. Or you know, the thing that people would tell me all the time, it’s like you’re crushing it. And I just kept thinking, I feel like this is crushing me. I feel like I’m getting crushed and that there are parts of me that I’ve not been nurturing, that my self-care has not been on. Sort of an energetic mental-emotional level has not been there. The amount of pressure that I put on myself has. I have let that run and not had good boundaries on some of that stuff.
So when I sat back a couple of weeks ago and decided that I was going to take some time off the Instagram feed posting every day or, or you know, two times a day. Um, again, I had people reach out to me that I know and who said, Oh yes I did. I cut down as well and I’ve been so much better off for it mentally. Shout out to Annie Miller who was recently on the show as my guest. She reached out to me and shared some stuff and I just thought, okay, why are we not talking about this, as entrepreneurs we need, this is very, very specific,
sort of next little segment here, but entrepreneurs, we need to stop fucking pretending that we have it all figured out and that we’re not struggling with this stuff. Anything from not knowing who we’re talking, you know, who we want to talk to or what our purpose is to struggling with the internals of our business. And let me tell you what the entrepreneurial is full of people who will tell you how many zeros they have. And no, that’s fine. Money is one of my things that’s completely fine. But the other truth of that is that there could be stuff going on below the surface or everybody thinks you’re crushing it because you have, you’re producing and making and putting things out, but you are full of self-doubt or you are not. You’re sacrificing so much for the hustle of the biz that you’re not taking care of yourself and feeding yourself and getting together with real people and closing some of those loops, right?
Like connecting with people on minds. Wonderful. But you also need real person in-person connection to one cannot, you cannot feed alone off of the virtual. So I think that this is just my, my hope that entrepreneurs will start talking more openly about the things that they’re struggling with. Business owners will start talking about the things that they are doubtful about, that they’re struggling with. And I know that there’s still a little bit of a, there’s this catch 22 right? I’m fascinated by the push-pull and the push-pull that I see is that okay, we need to be more open and vulnerable. And then when people are more open and vulnerable, then other people will come along and say, Oh, you’re just, you are just looking for attention. Or Oh, you know, there’s dumping your problems on people or your value. So virtue signaling or you’re trying to signal your values.
And I just think, Oh my gosh, we are, we are, a lot of us are suffering on that level and we’re trying to just look stoic and keep it all together and Hey, I fucking like stoicism and I have tons of books by Stoics and I have the daily stoic and I get it. And I, personal responsibility. Very important. But remember, this is not just an either-or this is like, this is a situation of both also. So to just pretend that we’re okay not as not, I don’t think a cer is serving us to say to demand vulnerability, but then get after people for talking and sharing and saying, Oh, you’re sharing too much, or Oh, this is, you know, you’re, you’re just trying to get attention. I mean, what, how do we want it? What way do we want it? And, and that stuff is hard.
So for me, I had to realize that last year when I increased, literally doubled the podcasts I was doing every week and writing more emails and more long-form content and growing the Facebook community and all of it. Now don’t regret a single thing like, so for the opportunities, so grateful to have had these experiences, 100% not apologizing or regretting any of that, but to step back and realize, okay, it’s time to take the foot off the gas a little bit because I’m starting to feel crispy around the edges. And I know that because I don’t feel like creating, I don’t think, you know, I think it’s a little unreasonable to think that you’ll be creative 100% of the time every single day you’re gonna feel creative. But I noticed when I completely lost the urge to create that, that was a huge sign for me. There’s just, you know, just kind of looking at the day and thinking, Oh, what do I need to do now?
And instead of, Oh, what is, what could I do? What’s fun? What sounds good? And I had a day where I’ve just been playing more, so this is sort of, you know, what do we do about this burnout and I think, you know, again self-care isn’t just treating yourself. That can certainly be nice. What, what are we doing in the day? I have, it’s been hard for me. I’ve been meditating every day. Meditation, sitting meditation has historically not been my jam, but I’m doing it. It’s been really interesting actually to increase that shout out to Colin Bardell queer Cosmo’s on a call. He was like, stuff you need, you need to meditate. This is non-negotiable. There is my upholder leaning. Obliger in me was like, okay, Colin says this is important, I’m going to do it. So then meditating, doing things for fun in play.
I started knitting again primarily to keep my hands busy and off my fucking phone. That was one thing, but I ordered, you know like I ordered a fresh set of a new set of herbs from Mountain Rose Herbs. They’re not a sponsor. It just happened to love them and started playing with tinctures again and started making some recipes. I started playing around with some makeup and just having fun, trying things out, just doing things that felt fun and didn’t feel like work. And that’s been hugely important. Exercising boundaries. Oh my goodness, we have so much. We have a bunch of shows coming up about boundaries or maybe have happened already. So Rachel Dash-Daugherty and doctrine. Nicola para, both amazing talking about boundaries, but so many other people out there do it beautifully. So setting more boundaries. I learned this, I was at a vendor event a couple of weeks ago and there was a lady there, she’s so sweet and she said, you know what, it’s no Vember.
And I just thought, yes girl. She’s like, no, it’s no Vember. I am practicing saying no. And I just thought yes. So I, I borrowed that idea and we’re doing that in my Facebook group, the core four club, challenging ourselves to say no more, especially when it’s not resonant to us and it like, Oh, or begrudgingly, or like, Oh, okay, why? You know, and this is her non-negotiable. This is like for noncritical stuff. Obviously you need to feed your family and take care of your kids and go to work and all that shit. Yes, this is now I’m just saying opting out of stuff that’s not required more often and there’s that very simple metric or really simple way of assessing it. Is that a hell yes or is it a no? And so often we say yes to things that we really don’t want to.
Then we end up really fucking resentful, not only to other people but to ourselves. So can we say no more? So I’ve been saying no a lot more and I’ve also been practicing listening to my intuition. Believe you me, I have an intuitive eye. Everyone has intuition. Okay? So it’s not like those of us who talk about intuition or magical unicorns, but I realized I am super great at intuiting for intuiting. That’s the word, intense, being intuitive for other people. So good at it. It’s, it comes very naturally to me. I also feel people’s feelings and I feel people’s pain, which is very hard. I’ve been learning boundaries around that, but I’m so good at intuition for other people and I am. I’ve been, it’s been hard for me to listen to my own intuition, especially recently and getting into the should and the rationalization and the ah, right.
Getting into the monkey mind, Barb shows up and I’m like, Barb, you need to take a chill pill. Okay. For those of you that don’t know, Barb is the name of my negative voice that comes out when I’m feeling scared or unsure, uncertain, overwhelmed, et cetera. So I, I thank her for showing up to keep me safe and say, Hey, I don’t need you right now off you pop. But I’ve been practicing doing that more as well. Obviously the basics, right? Sleep so important. So non-negotiable, cutting down on Screentime. I finally saw it, you know, every week my iPhone passive aggressively tells me how much time I’ve been on my screen. And I’m like, fuck you. I tried to be on my, on my phone less this week and it didn’t work. But finally saw a reduction in screen time. I think the knitting is helping, um, you know, eating well but not stressing yourself out over perfection with your food, getting a movement practice that gives you back energy, getting outside, getting some natural light.
I mean these things are not revolutionary, but when we practice some, we already set ourselves up for a lot of what goes into self care because when we don’t feel good in our body, it’s really hard to make changes in these other areas or do things like say, Hey, I’m going to stand up for myself and set some boundaries. So that’s the story on that. And you know what? I was afraid for a while to make this announcement, to tell all of you to talk about the burnout. Cause I thought, you know, what am I going to seem weak or like I’m not taking my own advice. But also, I don’t want to be hypocritical. I’m always talking about self-care and protecting your own energy. And here I, I was, you know, not doing that really to the best of my ability. Um, I have been afraid to tell you, cause I don’t want to disappoint you, but also I know that this is coming from a place of love.
It’s coming from a place of care. I’m still here for you. I’m still here to be here on Tuesdays. I’m still here to, to teach and to hold space for the things that you’re going through and talk about Tufts stuff. I’m still here for that. So I F you know, that, that brings me a little bit, of reassurance. But also, you know, we’re going to have those times where we make decisions or we make choices and there could be a disappointment on the other end from the other person. And that’s actually not, our head is not ours to carry. We can’t control other people’s reactions. We can try. I often try. It doesn’t work. We do that as humans, right? We’re like, if I just do all these right things and I do them perfectly, then that other person will react in exactly the way I want them to.
And you’re like, whammy, no, that actually didn’t happen. Or you just realize that you don’t have the control that you thought you did over other people and what they’re going to do and say. And I know it’s not easy. None of this stuff is easy, but it’s important. And if you’re feeling these signs of burnout to look, I see this happening a lot in my community burning out because of trying to do all the things, you know, we’re like, we’re meditating and we’re doing this and doing that and we’re, you know, eating all the perfect foods and like cooking every meal from scratch and going to all the fitness classes and fucking overwhelming for so many of you. I know you’re trying hard and you’re trying to make improvements, but at what point do we realize that the things we’re trying to do for our health are actually detracting from our health?
And it’s not just our physical health. And this is one of the things that I, I realize again and again and again is why I am such a holistically-minded person is because physically I’m doing fine, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or energetically, whatever you call that, not okay, not okay. So it’s okay to not be okay. It’s important to ask for help. We cannot do this alone. And I recently had a discussion with Z about this. He was going through something that was a little bit tough for him. And I said, people, you didn’t, you didn’t talk to me about it. Why? And he was like, well, I didn’t want to bother you with it. And I just thought, Oh my gosh, we’re here to help each other and when we can be that bit of vulnerable, when we can share, when we can ask for help and ask those people in our lives that we know are our people, we are able to connect and we’re able to help each other.
And you can’t, we cannot do this stuff by ourselves. So find those people in your life that you have. Reach out to them. Ask for help and say, you know what, I’m just, I’m not really looking for solutions right now. I just want somebody to talk to. Can you just sit here and be here with me when I talk and not say anything? Like that’s okay. Because sometimes we don’t want to be fixed. We don’t want to be presented with a million different things. And the people who really showed up for me, what I was talking about, what I’m really struggling with, they were just like, Hey, I’m here to help in whatever way you need. Let me know what can I do? Right? So asking, so great if you’re the recipient, right? Asking for permission to, Hey, I have this thing I’d love to share with you.
Is that okay? Or just saying, I’m here. Let me know what you need and how I can support you. And oftentimes it’s just that knowledge that we’re not alone and we’re not by ourselves. You do not have to be stoic all the time. You do not have to continue to push through the things that are extremely difficult and completely killing you and really just sucking the life out of you to appear strong. You don’t have to do that. You can let go. You can ease up a little bit and I know that there are people who think, well, if I don’t push myself all the time that I’m not going to care. And I call bullshit on that because the incessant pushing, pushing, pushing at all costs and then you, when everything is crumbling around you, Hey, sometimes you do push and it feels great, but you know, you know in your heart of hearts right now the things that you’re forcing yourself to do, and it’s not just like I’m trying to be consistent, it’s just everything in your being is telling you this is not the right thing to do. You know what? Those things are already.
It’s going to take courage though to say, Hey, I need to back off a little bit. Or, Hey, I can’t participate in that extra committee that you want me to, or, Hey, can I, can I get back to you in 24 hours with my answer to that question or I’m not doing this thing right now and that’s just the way it is and really advocating for ourselves. We cannot outsource the advocacy this, it has to be self-advocacy and when it comes to burnout and energy, no one is going to do that for you. All right. There you go. Those are my thoughts on burnout. I’m sure I missed some stuff, but I hope that this brings you a little bit of food for thought this week and I can’t wait to come back on Tuesday. So what’s going to happen is, again, I’ll be sort of alternating guest interviews with solo shows.
I don’t necessarily think it’s going to be literally every other, every other, we could go a couple of guests and then solo or a couple of solos and then a guest. I’m leaving that open-ended, but believe you me, I will be here on Tuesdays for you. I so appreciate you being a listener. Of this show. And the one thing I would ask is that now that the show is wrapping up, hit subscribe on your podcast app that ensures that every time a new episode comes out, that it automatically automagically, as my husband would say, uploads to your phone or your device, wherever you’re listening from. And that way you don’t have to go seek out the show. That would mean the world to me. And I’m so incredibly grateful for that. You can also get the show notes for this firstname.lastname@example.org including the full transcript of me talking all about this. So there you go. That’s how I can support you. So until next week when I’m back for harder to kill radio, have a wonderful weekend and be well!